All Hollow's Eve: the one time each year when the houses are purposely covered in cobwebs, the air is crisp, apples are bobbed and the ground is covered in the first turned leaves of fall. Wait, what the candy corn am I talking about? I've lived in Miami for 16 years and I've NEVER seen a Halloween like that. In fact most Halloweens I'm not sure if I'm trick or treating or picking a prostitute out of a Chicken Ranch lineup.

      But gripes about the sluttiest holiday aside, I am here to provide you with a step-by-step guide to making this Halloween the most inventive and most slutty one yet!
      Costume idea for boys: I've always claimed that my best costume to date was when I dressed up as Sputnik. Yes, as in the Russian sattelite. All you need are black pants, a black t-shirt, an extra large foam ball (available at Pearl Arts or Michaels), hot glue, tin foil, pipe cleaners and a love of the 1960's Space Race. The hardest part about this costume is fitting the foam ball on your head. I attached chin straps to the Styrofoam ball by using thin strips of cotton cut from an old t-shirt and glued one end to the Styrofoam ball and used Velcro poster tabs to fasten the other end of the cotton chin strap to the Styrofoam. You'll need to carve out a little hole for your head and once your head is carved in, cover the ball with tin foil and secure with glue. Next, stick the pipe cleaners all over and into the ball creating the appearance of a very low rent Russian satellite! Wear with pride and expect to have no friends except for crazy Cosmonauts with excellent senses of humor.

      Costume ideas for a group: The best group costume idea my friends or I ever had was to go as Wilson Phillips - yeah, as in the really amazing all-girl group from the early 90's. It's really great if you have a slightly overweight male friend to portray the infamous Carnie Wilson. Anyway, two of us decided to be the cute members of the band, wearing early 90's black spandex bike shorts and lovely vests purchased from Salvation Army. Our Cuban male friend was going to be Carnie: in black leggings and his mom's black Liz Claiborne blazer. One of the most horrifying images I've personally ever seen and I've caught glimpses of my naked self in the three-way mirror in my room. We never actually debuted the costume, but it was a really great idea. Or not.

      Costume idea for girls: It doesn't really matter what I say because I know you're already planning on being a "Sexy Cat/Sailor/Soldier/Tree Stump" with five of your other girlfriends. So have fun, be sexy and remember to carry a Maglite.

      Fun ideas for Halloween night: I've personally been a fan of the SoBe Halloween scene with all the drag queens, dancing and people that may be homeless or may be in costume. It's a guaranteed good time. House of Terror, the downtown amusement park is always fun, although the condition of the rides may be more terrifying than ride itself. If you can make the trip up to Orlando for a weekend, Universal Studio's Halloween Horror Nights is hands down the scariest thing I've ever been to. For a calmer Halloween celebration the Grove is your best bet with less festivity, but a lot of drunken men in makeshift tourist costumes.